बदलते मौसम अक्सर उदास करते है......

बदलते मौसम अक्सर उदास करते है 

बदलते मौसम में अक्सर ऐसा होता है 

एक महक हवाओं में गूंजा करती है 

एक शोर कानों में ठहर जाता है 

ओस कुछ देर तलक टपकती है शब् भर 

और शब् गुज़ारे नहीं गुज़रती है 

शाम तक शज़र भी सभी सो जाते है 

पंछी बिन शोर करे शाख पर सो जाते है 

बदलते मौसम अक्सर उदास करते है 

बदलते मौसम में अक्सर ऐसा होता है 

बदलते मौसम में घर याद आता है..... 

0.1%

Not sure, what I’m going to write or what’s going on with me. Most probably it will turn into a long depressing rant, and will make ‘stronger’ case for people who perceive and call me a loser.

You know, what’s been haunting me for few days, months and years is ‘nobody cares’. Right, words have become too meaningless, conversations too shallow, it’s all so superficial. Like, ‘how are you? Or how are you doing?’ Do we/they even know what they/we are asking? Do we/they really want to know? Are we/they willing to listen? Willing to spend energy on someone? Willing to make a connection or investment in someone? 99.9% answer is a resounding NO.  

But still, interactions/conversations rotate and revolve around these, but WHY is it that? May be it’s the curiosity, that’s it. And at times, just to use other’s misery/success as benchmark for measuring our own life. Ohh this this guy is in such a mess, and my life is way better than him, or oh he is such a lucky chap and I’m down in the dumps. It’s like evoking our emotions (happy and sad) based on someone else’s.  That’s probably is the biggest poison, when we start treating other’s gain as our personal loss. Someone got a good job becomes ‘oh my life is so pathetic’, when someone buys a luxury car or vacation or house, it immediately becomes ‘my life is such a suffering’. If you are happy ‘no body cares’, if you are sad then again ‘nobody cares’. What’s going in your head, what you are thinking, what is troubling you? – Nobody wants to know, nobody cares. And I really can’t stress on this – nobody cares.   Yes, only curiosity is there, in same way as we like to watch reality shows (or peek into people’s Facebook profile). 

Earlier you come to terms with it better it is for you.  On contrary, if that’s what life is, then why do we want others to care? Why do we want others validation? Or interventions to validate our happiness or sadness? It’s like expecting others to give you a priority treatment on freeways because you had a tough day at work. Like you can hear happy or sad songs while driving depending on your mood but nobody cares in what mood you are driving or what’s going on in your life.

Consider yourself luckiest even if you have just one person in the life who really cares. Parents/siblings/spouse/friends everyone will care but till a certain point, after that you are on your own.  Choice is simple (simple things are most difficult), just become that other 0.1%.

Template

Standard template for conversations ..... :-)

blahh blahh ....Traffic-vraffic....Shortcuts-wortcuts..against-traffic.....Houseprices-wrices blahh blahh.....Stocks-vstocks....blah blah...Mergers-vergers...Startups-startups....Shares-vares....Nasqdaq-wasdaq.......Espp-vssp...blahh blahhh ....Layoffs-wayoffs......Hilary-wilary.......Obama-wobama...blahh blahhh.....Elections-wilections ...Modi-vodi....AAP-WAAP.....blah blahh hahahaha.....Isis –ysis ....syria-wiriya.....Oil-woil
bahhh....

मैंने कभी गाँव नहीं देखा

मैंने कभी गाँव नहीं देखा....

जब रात station पे  उतर के तांगे से अम्माँ के घर जाते होंगे
तोह शायद दूर जंगल में जुगनू दिखते होंगे

या फिर दिन में बस अड्डे से बाहर रिक्शे से जाते होंगे अम्माँ के घर
और जब रुक रुक कर रिक्शा बाज़ार से गुज़रता होगा
पापा बीच रास्ते में किसी पुराने दोस्त से मिलने उतर जाते  होंगे

अम्माँ भी हमारे लिए कुछ ख़ास बनाती होगी
मोहल्ले भर को इकट्ठा कर 'हमें ' दिखाती  होगी

मम्मी भी एक दम से बदल सी जाती होगी
सामान कमरे में रख कर, सर ढक कर
मोहल्ले भर के पैर छू कर
अम्मा का हाथ बटाती होगी

शायद चूल्हा अम्माँ का आँगन में ही होगा
वही हमें बिठा कर, हमे 'देखते' हुए खाना खिलाती होंगी। ।
और भगवान ही जाने भगवान से क्या-क्या बुदबुदाती होगी।

और नेहरू-टोपी पहने बाबा भी चौपाल से घर आ जाते होंगे
शायद हुक्का पीते-पीते खासते भी होंगे
बस दूर से हम सब को देख कर, हमारी बातों पर  मुस्कुराते होंगे !!!

मैंने कभी बाबा को नहीं देखा …… 

World Cup Cricket 2015 - INDIA's journey

So finally, world cup ended, at least for India, so ek post toh banti hai.

I would not call India’s journey in it as an interesting or boring, but definitely would call it weird.

Let me try to explain why I’m calling it a weird journey –

1. After pathetic performance in the preceding test series and ODI tri-series who would have imagined them to reach the semi-finals and how.
2. Ask yourself, how confident were you when India played Pakistan in the opener;
3. And confess it, despite win against Pakistan, we totally made peace with the fact that we’ll be thrashed left, right and center by South Africa in next one.
4. Beating South Africa at their own game, i.e. making good use of large MCG by rotating strike, by converting ones into twos, and running out two of their key players, was not less than a miracle; and in their next game while watching ABVD thrashing WI we truly believed Mohit Sharma should have been given MoM just for his throw which ran out ABVD.
5. Then came WI, we lost 6 wickets in chasing 180+ runs, we won mostly because of some sensible batting by Dhoni n Ashwin, and some senseless captaincy by Holder.
6. UAE game does not count at all.
7. Zimbabwe, Ireland gave some serious scare, especially Taylor’s hitting and Irish opener’s stand. Our bowling looked pedestrian and clueless.
8. Then came, QF against B’desh – again it was a serious affair; B’desh was riding high on Mahmudullah’s  back to back 100’s and Soumya Sarkar’s Ganguly like flair; they did exceedingly well against England and New Zealand. In QF, we were not 100% sure of the win, it was a pretty even game till one point, India barely managed to win some crucial periods of play (or B’desh lost due to their inexperience and enormity of the situation) and hence the game.

So with all that 70/70, 7-0, and 11 consecutive WC wins hype, we faced the not-so-formidable hosts Australia; though it warrants a post on itself, but I’ll not go in detail, will not bore myself with my own over analysis.

So what went wrong after ‘such-a-strong-showing’?

In reality, nothing new happened, we failed because we failed to acknowledge our problems, or address our problems; in simple straight forward terms we lost because –

1. Even after spending 4/5 months in Australia, we still don’t know what to do with STEVE SMITH.
2. We still don’t know how to blow away the tail-enders.
3. Our tail-enders still don’t know how to hold their ground against a quality opposition.

At one point, when Smith n Maxwell were pummeling everything out of park, score of 370+ seems inevitable, then sudden 3 wicket collapse (Smith/Maxwell/Finch) brought India back in game but we lost the plot thereon, we allowed shoddy and out of form Watson to survive, we allowed Clark to free is arms now and then, even till then score looked manageable, but we committed biggest folly by allowing Faulkner some free runs and finally letting Johnson score 27 off just 9 balls. Such complacency is inexcusable. All the late flourish shifted the whole momentum.

We started the chase well, Rohit and Dhawan had their share of luck early which was again a good omen, but when you’re chasing 325+ you tend to overdo things; with 70+ runs onboard with healthy 6+ RR, again casualness in approach creeped in;

Dhawan’s dismissal is a prime example of that, may be got bored or what, he tried something stupid out of curiosity and picked the only man parked in the deep. Boredom.

Kohli weighed himself down with expectation of whole team and country, he started with out-of-character extremely cautious approach and played a maiden over.

And in very next over, he suddenly realized he is 'THE KOHLI' and he needs to exude that and try to dominate Johnson. As a result he played an expensive shot which was not there. Overconfidence.

Rohit was best at being Rohit, scored an effortless 6 and got bowled effortlessly next ball. Casualness.

Let’s not get more into it, but before I stop, one last thing, Dhoni is not a magician; he cannot think for every guy; he needs a stronger supporting cast during ‘strategizing’ he alone cannot do it all. He needs better support from guys like Raina/Ashwin/Kohli/Jadeja. 

And guys like Jadeja need to rise themselves, they have talent, they should NOT be content with their current situation; Steve Smith and Maxwell are prime example, how these guys raised their games season after season and became best batsman after starting their career at no. 7/8.

Anyways, finally the weirdness has ended; started with low expectations, and reached unreasonably higher expectations, and crashed down expectedly but crashed down in a manner that made it look unacceptable.

Hopefully, guys will learn from this roller coaster experience and will become better in the times to come.

Rule# 86

Its same time of the year when people make resolutions that last for on-average 3 weeks most. 
I’ll talk about something that has been troubling me for years now, by the end of this post hope that ‘troubling’ usage will make sense.

So what really keeps people motivated to stick to their resolutions or side tracking from them?
Some don’t make their resolutions public, and work secretly on them and at some point the will to carry out fades away, and since know no one really knew about it, so it becomes quite acceptable in the head to go lenient with them and eventually shun them. That was pretty straightforward.

Now, let’s talk about the people who publically declare their resolutions or confide them to a select group or person(s).
For some disclosing resolutions make them work hard towards achieving their goals, and ( this is the fun (or troubling) part) for some disclosing resolutions have an exact OPPOSITE reaction, the moment they declare their intentions, their plans, their future course of actions , at that very moment their brain gets some sort of signals of accomplishments or fulfilment. And they STOP right there. 
Unfortunately, I belong to later group, who chalk out a detailed strategy for my resolutions, and disclose them to others even in more detailed way about  how I’m going to do this and that and that etc. etc. And after that my brain gets some sort of comfort, it feels as if it has achieved all the goals. Or maybe I over-simply everything, and brain in its own brain thinks ‘Oh that is easy, I can do that anytime I want to, so nothing urgent, take it easy, everything is under control’. As a result NOTHING gets done.
So my dear son, please please don’t belong to this group, it is a sure shot recipe for disaster.  I sincerely pray to God that you don’t inherit my this trait.

86) So in short, please make a conscious effort and don’t be like me when it comes to resolutions.

यह मन

जहाँ नहीं है वही होना चाहता है
और जहाँ है वही से कौसो दूर है। …

देर रात jogging की ख्याइश बुनता है
भरी दोहपहरी में किसी पहाड़ की चोटी छूना  चाहता है

जब music सुनने का option  पास ना हो, तभी कुछ सुनने की तलब होती है
और जब होता है, तो कुछ ही देर में सब सुना सुना सा लगता है

कभी सारी दुनिया को switch off करके कोई किताब पढ़ने को तरसता है
और जब किताबें सामने हो तो सब समेट कर सोने का ढ़ोंग करता है

और जब सोने लगता है तो वोह भी time waste सा लगता है

जो है वो नहीं चाहिए।।।
और क्या चाहिए पता नहीं पर बहुत ज़रूरी और जल्दी  चाहिये। …

है तो बस........  एक ख़ालीपन

                           बेक़रारी

                           बेचैनी

                           बेसब्री

Rule# 76

Words have an obstinate power, especially the ones which are never spoken, specially that self-talking that goes on and on and on.
Nothing ever in this Universe gets unheard , whatever  you think, say, mutter at someone, at yourself ..at world general.  It all becomes the part of the Universal reverberations .
 
76) So, stay positive, joyful in your head and heart.

Music Theory

Music we choose to listen at different times reflects our inner-self.
And I think it usually follows a sine-wave kind of pattern;

Like when one is temporarily happy or is temporarily high on something, prefers to listen to so-called ‘peppy’ numbers in which it is mostly the loud-music/beats or rhythm that dominates, which immediately puts them in a party-sort-of environment whereas when one is feeling temporarily low then one wants to take solace in soft numbers where they focus on words being said rather than the music, numbers that transforms them into dim-lit settings, 100% alone.

Now comes the other half of the sine-wave, my personal favorite analysis actually; when one is sad deep-down inside and wants to fool oneself into being in a happy state, one tends to mask that again with loud, so-called peppy numbers; the moment loud music stops they start another one just to temporary forget something , so to mask something.

On the other hand, people who resort to soft numbers, slowly relishing the ‘sound’ of each word said, intoxicating themselves in the meanings/thoughts/imaginations of the words – are more happy and contented. It’s the magic of words, the aura they create is so beautiful that it transforms one in an euphoric state, it create some kind of divine connection which is impossible to define.

वक़्त

चलता है ....बहता है ...उड़ता है...बस कटता  नहीं है......

just like tiny matter that stays afloat in nothingness but is seen only when a ray of sunlight sneaks past from the corner of the curtain.....

it is there, when it is not there, and when it is there, it might not be there….

जहाँ कुछ नहीं है....वहां तुम हो....

....और तुम कहीं नहीं हो .......

कैसे जीते हो ...
हमेशा खुश दिखते हो

यार, तुम घूमते कितना हो?

बर्फ में भी सर्दी नहीं लगती क्या?
हर तस्वीर में बस मुस्कुराते दिखते हो?
पर आँखों को काले चश्में से क्यों ढक लेते हो?

तुम थकते नहीं?

न माथे पे कोई शिकन ना ही कपड़ो पे
न आँख के नीचे काले दब्भे पड़ते है और ना ही तुम्हारे कभी बाल बिखरते देखे

तुम्हे नयी जगह आसानी से नींद आ जाती है??

कितने बेफिक्र दिखते हो
खुल कर हँसते हो
मुस्कराहट और दांत इतने perfect कैसे रखते हो?


कैसे जीते हो ...
हमेशा खुश दिखते हो

चलो कुछ बात करे
बस तुम कहो और मैं सुनूं

somewhere, on the slant of a mountain, where sun and shadow play a game.
somewhere, from we can see a river flowing, and hear a distant falling waterfall,
also can see snow clad peaks of some far far away mountains.

somewhere, we can sit silent, and yet talk.

बस , यूँ ही बैठे रहे और खामोशियों को बात करने दे
यह सांसें थक गयी है , इन्हें थोडा सुकून दे

चलो कुछ बात करे
बस तुम कहो और मैं सुनूं .....

zakhm dikhte nahin abhi lekin
thandey honge toh dard niklegaa
aish taish utrregaa waqt ka jab bhi
cheheraa andar se zard nikalegaa


kehney walon ka kuch nahin jaata
sehney waale kamaal karte hain
kaun dhoondhey jawaab dardon ke
log toh bas sawaal karte hain


kachhi mitti hai dil bhi insaan bhi
dekhne hi mein sakht lagta hai
aansoo poncheingey aansoon ke nishaan
khushk hone mein waqt lagta hai

Is everything for real?

Or am I living someone else’s life in an alien land in disguise?

Sure?

Music 2011

We're just 15 days away from another brand new year - with every passing year I think my preference of music is changing, this year I either liked soft numbers or loud ones, but good lyrics and melody (at least to me) remained constant in both.

Here's the list of my favorite songs of the year.

10 top favorite Songs of the year --

1) Piya -- Tanu Weds Manu
2) Bekaraan -- 7 Khoon Maaf
3) Jo bhi main kehna chahoon -- Rockstar
4) Yun Hi -- Tanu Weds Manu
5) Kun Faya -- Rockstar
6) Awaara -- 7 Khoon Maaf
7) Tere Siva -- Delhi Belly
8) Der Lagi Lekin -- Zindagi Na Milegi Dobara
9) Hona Tha Pyaar-- Bol
10) Rangrez - Tanu Weds Manu

Other favorites of the year include -
11) Tere Liye -- 7 Khoon Maaf
12) Saibo -- Shor in the City
13 Haal-E-Dil -- Bbuddah... Hoga Terra Baap
14) Señorita -- Zindagi Na Milegi Dobara
15) Khwabon Ke Parinde -- Zindagi Na Milegi Dobara
16) Accha Lagta Hai -- Aarakshan
17) Dilli -- No One Killed Jessica
18)Jugni -- Saheb Biwi Aur Gangster
19) Naadaan Parindey - Rockstar
20) Saadda Haq -- Rockstar

Needless to say, but still my top 5 favorite albums are -
1) Tanu Weds Manu
2) 7 Khoon Maaf
3) Rockstar
4) Zindagi Na Milegi Dobara
5) Delhi Belly

Eternally looking for something which I have no clue about....…yet I'm looking.

Just like routinely I stand in front of my wardrobe looking for something which I know doesn’t exists but still I look for it.

Daily I start for somewhere and daily I end up from where I started.

It’s a circle I know, its slopes are slippery, and it drags me along with it like hordes of rush hour commuters push me in and out of the metro, like flock of seagulls escort me along the sky.

I feel like an odd pigeon among all the pigeons who feed on the left-over bread crumbs or discarded sandwiches on the sidewalks, who are so frightened and yet so fearless to face the mad dash of pedestrians and their contraptions alike, who eat as if that’s their last bit of food ever, and fly away in circles on slightest sign of danger, and end up on the same sidewalk after performing mindless ritual of flying two blocks in circles.

Daily I start for somewhere and daily I end up from where I started.

Season of sadness

Season of sadness, or not; may be uneasiness.

My favorite celebrities/intellectuals/artists have left us in past few days/weeks; it started with Shammi Kapoor, Tiger Pataudi, Steve Jobs, and then Jagjit Singh, and now Dennis Ritchie.

It would be juvenile to even attempt writing a post about any of these stalwarts, especially about Mr.Jagjit Singh, that’s unimaginable.

And now as I heard about Dennis Ritchie, I again experienced a sense of personal loss, I’ve spent more than half of my life sitting in front of a computer writing silly programs.

It all began with BASIC/FORTRAN then PASCAL/COBOL etc etc, after that I was introduced to a book by “Kenningham and Ritchie”, it was introduction to C language and all.
That along with their other ‘invention’ UNIX operating system changed my whole perspective towards all that boring programming and all and that eventually shaped my future, and life.

Thank you chief, RIP.

7 seven years!!!!

7 years, saat saal.....I still can't believe that I've kept this place alive for 7 full years. Of course , this is not what it used to be in jawani, but still I keep on sneaking 1-2 post a month.

Best part about it , I met so many interesting people just because this blog. And irrespective of my frequency here always make a point to visit their blog DAILY!!!

**
7 years, everything has changed, or nothing has changed; I clearly remember when and how I started this place, sitting bored/idle wasting myself, in pursuit of something unknown, something which is still eluding me, something of which I still have no clue.

That anxiousness, that madness, that emptiness, that restlessness, that something something has not changed at all.
On surface things look different too, well I gained weight, lost hair; I don't smile much but I do talk these days, all that crappy small talk about weather and sports; may be I'm mixing into 'duniya' or becoming one.
Anyways, at the same time I don't count those as negatives. I call it natural erosion of myself.
Positives are aplenty, God has been kind. First and foremost is my son, it seems that life before him was a total waste.
**
Life has been a sequence of "snoozes" or "dismisses" so far or that's what we control; however what happens in the background is like a flowing river, totally unbridled , sometimes violent sometimes serene, and beautiful most of the times.

*