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Showing posts with label random. Show all posts
Showing posts with label random. Show all posts
Tuesday, October 08, 2013
Tuesday, July 05, 2011
7 seven years!!!!
7 years, saat saal.....I still can't believe that I've kept this place alive for 7 full years. Of course , this is not what it used to be in jawani, but still I keep on sneaking 1-2 post a month.
Best part about it , I met so many interesting people just because this blog. And irrespective of my frequency here always make a point to visit their blog DAILY!!!
**
7 years, everything has changed, or nothing has changed; I clearly remember when and how I started this place, sitting bored/idle wasting myself, in pursuit of something unknown, something which is still eluding me, something of which I still have no clue.
That anxiousness, that madness, that emptiness, that restlessness, that something something has not changed at all.
On surface things look different too, well I gained weight, lost hair; I don't smile much but I do talk these days, all that crappy small talk about weather and sports; may be I'm mixing into 'duniya' or becoming one.
Anyways, at the same time I don't count those as negatives. I call it natural erosion of myself.
Positives are aplenty, God has been kind. First and foremost is my son, it seems that life before him was a total waste.
**
Life has been a sequence of "snoozes" or "dismisses" so far or that's what we control; however what happens in the background is like a flowing river, totally unbridled , sometimes violent sometimes serene, and beautiful most of the times.
*
Best part about it , I met so many interesting people just because this blog. And irrespective of my frequency here always make a point to visit their blog DAILY!!!
**
7 years, everything has changed, or nothing has changed; I clearly remember when and how I started this place, sitting bored/idle wasting myself, in pursuit of something unknown, something which is still eluding me, something of which I still have no clue.
That anxiousness, that madness, that emptiness, that restlessness, that something something has not changed at all.
On surface things look different too, well I gained weight, lost hair; I don't smile much but I do talk these days, all that crappy small talk about weather and sports; may be I'm mixing into 'duniya' or becoming one.
Anyways, at the same time I don't count those as negatives. I call it natural erosion of myself.
Positives are aplenty, God has been kind. First and foremost is my son, it seems that life before him was a total waste.
**
Life has been a sequence of "snoozes" or "dismisses" so far or that's what we control; however what happens in the background is like a flowing river, totally unbridled , sometimes violent sometimes serene, and beautiful most of the times.
*
Thursday, April 07, 2011
Class 4 and randon ramblings
Hundreds of things get bouncing around in my head, and on surface I look most calm and laid back person on the earth. But inner turmoil sometimes gets so worse that I’ve to shut off my self from the real world.
This year one of my nephew and niece has stepped in Grade 4, as they call it these days instead of class 4.
A faintest mention of class 4 sends me back in time when I was there, and still I dread the day when results of class 4 was declared. And to date I dread 30th April (yes in those days results were declared on 30th April, not on 31st March like now), my heartbeat goes uneven and mind goes blank, I like it when my result was handed over to me in a yellow envelope.
I was like lost-in-my-world kind of guy who never cared about anything much, but always remained in his own obsessive over-analysis of anything and everything.
I used to look for patterns in everything, and after 3 years in big school gave me brilliant insight that, no matter what one does all year, on 30th April one will always get a result from school saying “Passed and promoted to next class”; it kind of become so monotonous and boring that I assumed result cannot be anything else.
And come result of my 4th class, and my imagined/boring world came down crushing, it said “Supplementary compartment in Science and Social Studies”.
Some laughed and some ridiculed, how one can get compartment in 4th class; but no one knew how scared and shaken I was then. World almost ended that day.
And then came the worst part, after results, school reopened for 15 days before summer vacations, and I was supposed to sit in class 4th only along with new promoted boys from class 3. Those were the most humiliating days of school life, other guys who failed or had compartment like me huddled together in the last rows of the class, and for other students and teachers there was no difference between failed and compartment cases. For them we were the duffers, the failures. And among those guys none of them were my friends. So I was left in a vast sea all alone, I never felt like going to school but never had courage to say that to even myself, after all I had committed the biggest crime in the world.
During recess my friends who were in 5th class used to visit me, and give me those bechara /sympathetic looks.
After those 15 days, started summer vacations of 2 months, as a ritual we visited our mom’s side of joint family, and that meant another round of humiliation and ridicule.
Anyway, after returning from there started my daily grilling, I was forced to study, study and study again and again. Even if I said that I know the stuff, no one trusted me and was forced to study again. Being youngest also made matters worst, everyone had their own way of teaching me and punishing me for not studying.
Finally the day came, sometime in June when I appeared for my compartment exam; I had to give both Science and Social Studies exam in the same day. We were made to sit in a makeshift examination-like arrangement in a section of school library. And finally came the result, and by God’s grace I passed both exams with “good” marks
And normalcy returned in my world, I was delighted to join my friends in the class 5 but was permanently tagged as one of the weak students which took many more years to shed off.
**
And now I think, I’m still the same over-grown guy, who still doesn’t care much about anything, who still lives in his own world, who still indulges in his favorite pastime of over-analyzing almost everything, who doesn’t learn from past mistakes, who is still seeking something which even he doesn’t know, who still feel like a jigsaw puzzle whose some pieces are still missing and doesn’t have a clue about how big picture will look like even if he finds those missing pieces.
**
Sometimes I think, what if this is, this life is an over-stretched dream sequence, a dream over which we have no control whatsoever, which can be interrupted any moment and we can’t stop it from being busted no matter how dearly we cling to it.
This year one of my nephew and niece has stepped in Grade 4, as they call it these days instead of class 4.
A faintest mention of class 4 sends me back in time when I was there, and still I dread the day when results of class 4 was declared. And to date I dread 30th April (yes in those days results were declared on 30th April, not on 31st March like now), my heartbeat goes uneven and mind goes blank, I like it when my result was handed over to me in a yellow envelope.
I was like lost-in-my-world kind of guy who never cared about anything much, but always remained in his own obsessive over-analysis of anything and everything.
I used to look for patterns in everything, and after 3 years in big school gave me brilliant insight that, no matter what one does all year, on 30th April one will always get a result from school saying “Passed and promoted to next class”; it kind of become so monotonous and boring that I assumed result cannot be anything else.
And come result of my 4th class, and my imagined/boring world came down crushing, it said “Supplementary compartment in Science and Social Studies”.
Some laughed and some ridiculed, how one can get compartment in 4th class; but no one knew how scared and shaken I was then. World almost ended that day.
And then came the worst part, after results, school reopened for 15 days before summer vacations, and I was supposed to sit in class 4th only along with new promoted boys from class 3. Those were the most humiliating days of school life, other guys who failed or had compartment like me huddled together in the last rows of the class, and for other students and teachers there was no difference between failed and compartment cases. For them we were the duffers, the failures. And among those guys none of them were my friends. So I was left in a vast sea all alone, I never felt like going to school but never had courage to say that to even myself, after all I had committed the biggest crime in the world.
During recess my friends who were in 5th class used to visit me, and give me those bechara /sympathetic looks.
After those 15 days, started summer vacations of 2 months, as a ritual we visited our mom’s side of joint family, and that meant another round of humiliation and ridicule.
Anyway, after returning from there started my daily grilling, I was forced to study, study and study again and again. Even if I said that I know the stuff, no one trusted me and was forced to study again. Being youngest also made matters worst, everyone had their own way of teaching me and punishing me for not studying.
Finally the day came, sometime in June when I appeared for my compartment exam; I had to give both Science and Social Studies exam in the same day. We were made to sit in a makeshift examination-like arrangement in a section of school library. And finally came the result, and by God’s grace I passed both exams with “good” marks
And normalcy returned in my world, I was delighted to join my friends in the class 5 but was permanently tagged as one of the weak students which took many more years to shed off.
**
And now I think, I’m still the same over-grown guy, who still doesn’t care much about anything, who still lives in his own world, who still indulges in his favorite pastime of over-analyzing almost everything, who doesn’t learn from past mistakes, who is still seeking something which even he doesn’t know, who still feel like a jigsaw puzzle whose some pieces are still missing and doesn’t have a clue about how big picture will look like even if he finds those missing pieces.
**
Sometimes I think, what if this is, this life is an over-stretched dream sequence, a dream over which we have no control whatsoever, which can be interrupted any moment and we can’t stop it from being busted no matter how dearly we cling to it.
Tuesday, December 21, 2010
Hijacked
hmm just realized that this blog has been hijacked by my baby..not just this blog but all our(including wifey here...) actions by him.
Everything has changed completely, and I'm not complaining but loving every second of it.
"Tu mila hai to yeh khyaal aaya
zindagi itni mukhtasar kyu hai"
Everything has changed completely, and I'm not complaining but loving every second of it.
"Tu mila hai to yeh khyaal aaya
zindagi itni mukhtasar kyu hai"
Tuesday, June 29, 2010
Randomness continues.....
Habits damn habits,…one I hate most is of delaying all tasks till the last minute.
Just like, while playing, almost in every game I give first point as gift, and then try to come back from there.
Sometimes I dig myself a hole by doing down double service breaks and then fight every point to avoid defeat. Some days I win, some days I lose, but never learn the lesson that every single point counts. Every single minute counts.
Earlier it used to be the thrill of working under pressure, and doing a good job of it, but now that’s not the motivation either. Don’t know what it is.
**
I felt terrible for South Korea, and today feeling same for Japan. Not fair.
While we’re at it, I’ll pick Argentina as favorites to lift the cup or Brazil or Spain as 3rd choice
**
Watched Rajneeti, that too whole movie at one go, and guess what, I didn’t like it.
It was like watching a Manmohan Desai movie with different kind of masala.
It kept on throwing scenes after scenes, plots after plots without giving anytime to think, pause and gulp what is being shown.
It started with lot of confusions, and God only knows what was that voiceover? who was talking to who?
Whole movie relied on dragging the already confused audience to the current scene, and so in fear of again missing out something audience focused on 1 scene at a time, and that each scene looked like a short mysterious story (which wasn't the case).
I’ll not go into that Kunti-Karan scene or everyone getting pregnant and all, but can’t help pointing out Katrina’s dialogue in end…”aapke bhai ansh chhod gaye hai” what crap was that? Who the hell talks like that?
**
Now I think I should stop, and go home to catch Spain-Portugal action.
Just like, while playing, almost in every game I give first point as gift, and then try to come back from there.
Sometimes I dig myself a hole by doing down double service breaks and then fight every point to avoid defeat. Some days I win, some days I lose, but never learn the lesson that every single point counts. Every single minute counts.
Earlier it used to be the thrill of working under pressure, and doing a good job of it, but now that’s not the motivation either. Don’t know what it is.
**
I felt terrible for South Korea, and today feeling same for Japan. Not fair.
While we’re at it, I’ll pick Argentina as favorites to lift the cup or Brazil or Spain as 3rd choice
**
Watched Rajneeti, that too whole movie at one go, and guess what, I didn’t like it.
It was like watching a Manmohan Desai movie with different kind of masala.
It kept on throwing scenes after scenes, plots after plots without giving anytime to think, pause and gulp what is being shown.
It started with lot of confusions, and God only knows what was that voiceover? who was talking to who?
Whole movie relied on dragging the already confused audience to the current scene, and so in fear of again missing out something audience focused on 1 scene at a time, and that each scene looked like a short mysterious story (which wasn't the case).
I’ll not go into that Kunti-Karan scene or everyone getting pregnant and all, but can’t help pointing out Katrina’s dialogue in end…”aapke bhai ansh chhod gaye hai” what crap was that? Who the hell talks like that?
**
Now I think I should stop, and go home to catch Spain-Portugal action.
Wednesday, June 23, 2010
Random
There are two kinds of players, one who raise their game when they play a higher-quality player and there is one who drags their higher-quality opponent to their low-level and then beat them by playing street-smart shots.
And I think I belong to both kinds. Some days I’m aggressive and match them shot-by-shot and some days I slow it down, and play lot of lobs which land right on baseline, and then hit lot of drop shots to bring them to net. It looks ugly but fun nevertheless ;-)
***
Alright, after a long, watched a movie, or I’ll say watched first 30-40 minutes of the movie KITES. And so far it’s ok; I think I can finish it in another 2-3 sittings.
On a positive note, I liked this Barbara Mori lady; she looked fantastic, someone like actual actress, well don’t know how to put that in words but to say the least after a long time saw some mature, gorgeous unabashed (in right sense, ok) woman unlike run-of-the mill teenage actresses of these days.
Alright, let’s hear it straight, she is someone of my age-group whom I can ogle at without any guilt ;-)
**
Anyone following Wimbledon?? John Isner / Nicolas Mahut match?
They played 4 sets yesterday before bad-light stopped the match-
They stopped at
6-4, 3-6, 6-7, 7-6, and
And today resumed the fifth and final set and score as I type is 47-47.
I’m sure their next round opponent must be a very happy man.
**
Ruh ke bandhan khultey nahi hai……daag hai dil ke dhultey nahi hai…..
And I think I belong to both kinds. Some days I’m aggressive and match them shot-by-shot and some days I slow it down, and play lot of lobs which land right on baseline, and then hit lot of drop shots to bring them to net. It looks ugly but fun nevertheless ;-)
***
Alright, after a long, watched a movie, or I’ll say watched first 30-40 minutes of the movie KITES. And so far it’s ok; I think I can finish it in another 2-3 sittings.
On a positive note, I liked this Barbara Mori lady; she looked fantastic, someone like actual actress, well don’t know how to put that in words but to say the least after a long time saw some mature, gorgeous unabashed (in right sense, ok) woman unlike run-of-the mill teenage actresses of these days.
Alright, let’s hear it straight, she is someone of my age-group whom I can ogle at without any guilt ;-)
**
Anyone following Wimbledon?? John Isner / Nicolas Mahut match?
They played 4 sets yesterday before bad-light stopped the match-
They stopped at
6-4, 3-6, 6-7, 7-6, and
And today resumed the fifth and final set and score as I type is 47-47.
I’m sure their next round opponent must be a very happy man.
**
Ruh ke bandhan khultey nahi hai……daag hai dil ke dhultey nahi hai…..
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