Love of my life...

Well,truth with people who seldom open their mouth is that they have bit too much to talk about..... truth about deattached persons is that they r bit too much attached to their world.
Yes..I'm also bit too much attached to love of my life.. to my 2 years and 8 months old nephew....
My dad calls him Babboo,
My mom calls him Shyam-Sunder (she gave him this name, well before his birth)
Bhai calls him Aditya.
Bhabhi calls him Sonu...Sona..Addy..Pattu..
And I call him..Ballu..Gilli...Pallu...and Babbo.
Though he n his antics cannot be captured but I gave it a try....

Today...

words are not coming....or they just can't do justice to the inner turmoil.
And help comes from Chacha Gulzar and RD boss....

Tujhse naraaz nahin zindagi hairaan hoon main...O hairaan hoon main..
Tere masoom sawaalon se pareshaan hoon main...O pareshaan hoon main..

jeene ke liye socha hi nahin, dard sambhaalne honge
muskuraayen to, muskuraane ke karz uthhane honge
muskuraaooN kabhi to lagtaa hai
jaise honTon pe karz rakhhaa hai

aaj agar bhar aai hain, boondein baras jaayengii
kal kyaa pataa inke liye aankhen taras jaayengii
jaane kab ghum hua kahaan khoya
ek aansoo chhupaake rakhaa thaa

zindagi tere gham ne hamein rishte naye samjhaaye
mile jo hamein dhoop mein mile chhaon ke thanDe saaye..

insight

Ham ko kisake Gham ne maraa ye kahaani phir sahi
kisaney todaa dil hamaraa ye kahaani phir sahi


dil ke lutane ka sabab puuchho na sab ke saamane
naam aayegaa tumharaa ye kahaani phir sahi


nafaraton ke tiir khaa kar doston ke shahar mein
ham ne kis kis ko pukaraa ye kahaani phir sahi


kyaa bataayen pyaar ki baazi vafaa ki raah mein
kaun jiitaa kaun haaraa ye kahaani phir sahi

--- By Masroor Anwar ---

Shameless self publicity......

Yes..... these words have been coining in my head since long...........
SHAMELESS SELF PUBLICITY ........don't feel like saying anything about it...it sums up everything.....yes I'm talking to(/about) you!

Result.

Today went through an online personality test......and results are quite interesting... ISFP - "Artist". Interested in the fine arts. Expression primarily through action or art form. The senses are keener than in other types. 8.8% of total population.

Conscious self	Overall self

Enneagram Test Results Type 1 Perfectionism 53% Type 2 Helpfulness 70% Type 3 Image Awareness 60% Type 4 Sensitivity 60% Type 5 Detachment 80% Type 6 Anxiety 36% Type 7 Adventurousness 76% Type 8 Aggressiveness 40% Type 9 Calmness 53% Your Conscious-Surface type is 5w4 Your Unconscious-Overall type is 4w3

graf·fi·ti

If your life has too many turning points,You 're going around in circles.

Some people who say, "I'll meet you half way" are bad judges of the distance.

If you were perfect you'd understand why I wasn't.

Cars may smoke less today, but they drink too much.

The softer the head the louder the socks.

Just when mothers think their work's done they have a grand child.

Some vacations make you feel poor enough to go back to work.

Lying is onething but inaccuracy is intolerable.

What confuses scientists most are other scientists.

If you ignore safety in the workplace , the problem won't go away but you will.

COMPROMISE -- Two peole getting something neither wants.

Preachers talk in other people's sleep.

Loose tongues stretch truths.

Written by Gene Mora...typed by ...

Air-Supply.....

Well i never knew you were soooo loner or mis-fit 08-July-2004 18:31

Who had send you this sms jise mnaga tha khuda se 08-July-2004 18:28

No need to reply! i got it, i have received your 3rd july messages in a bulk 08-July-2004 10:23

??? i didn't get you 08-July-2004 10:19

i think you got calls from my cell. sorry for disturbing you 07-July-2004 17:25

Always keep a photo of your "GirlFriend" in your wallet.look at it when you are in trouble. U'll feel tht other problems r not as big as this 06-July-2004 15:45

Love is like butterfly, hold it too tight, it will crush, hold it too loose & it will fly. 05-July-2004 19:25

Its hard to pretend u love someone,when u actually dont,but it even harder to pretend u don't love some one,when u actually do. 04-July-2004 01:02

what is the difference between chopped beef and pea soup?Every one can chop beef, but not everyone can pea soup.. ! 30-June-04 13:04

love me the most when i desrve it the least, thats when i need it the most. 20-June-04 12:51

you cannot go back n make a new beginnin but u can begin now n make a brand new ending 17-June-04 11:28

Words & Hearts r 2things in the world which should b handled with care, Bcause words when spoken & Hearts when broken R difficult 2Repair. 16-June-04 12:00

when you want someone besides you and no one is around,just look up in the sky. You might not see me but be sure tht we r under the same sky 09-June-04 18:43

thr r 6 bilion ppl arnd d wrld. I dont no y i keep on mising u. May b coz 5,999,999,999 can't replace a single sweet friend like U..... 06-June-04 11:54

Destiney is n ot matter of chance but choice.u must decide and ensure what u want and go after it with clear obj. and time frame. 31-May-04 08:53

People wont remember what u did. People wont remember what u said, But people will remember how u make them feel. 16-May-04 22:50

Friends r like a page in a book of life, every page having a diffent subject.....But u r my index page covering every subject. 27-April-04 14:14

khud ki mohabbat fanah kaun karega , sabhi nek banege to gunah kaun karega,e khuda sanam bewfa ko bachaye rakna, warna hamari maut ki dua kaun karega 27-April-04 09:47

To prove his love 4 her,he swam d deepest river,climbd d highest mountain & crossd the wildst desert.She divorcd him coz he was never home! 22-March-04 16:55

If you care & love someone don’t lose a grip on the person, you’ll never know the one u let go might b the one you’ve waited 4 all your life 02-March-04 23:08

The human brain is the most outstanding thing …. It functions 24hrs…it functions right from the time you are born..until you fall in love. 17-feb-04 23:23

Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take but by the moments that take our breath away. 06-Feb-04 16:29

Luv isn’t sumthin tht is born in da morning,shine in da afternun n dies at night.It is born whn it isn’t needed at all n dies whn need it most 01-Feb-04 22:45

“When you love some1 prepare urself 2 be hurt no matter how painful it is, the important things r u share n experience to love n 2 b loved 01-Feb-04 00:02

When I was born I got a choice from God-a gr8friend like u or a good memory, I don’t remember what I chose.. Good Night…. 30-Jan-04 00:05

Our frenship means so much 2 me that if v were the last people on a sinkin ship n v had only 1 life jacket I’ll…………. Mmm, I’LL MISS U YAAR!- 22-Jan 04 19:56

jise manga tha khuda se 02-Nov-03 16:58

Kahte hain ke har chiz mil jati hai dua se ek din manga tumhe khuda se duniya bhi mili ghame duniya bhi mili par who kyun nahin milta jise 02-Nov-03 16:58

Ghum iska nahin ki judai ho gayi ghum iska hai ke duniya jo chahti thi wahi baat ho gayi 02-Nov-03 16:48

The best part of lovin is not hopin that she loves you as much as you do but in knowin that you love her far more than you can… 08-Oct-03 22:21

When in love sometimes its worse to win a fight than to lose it! 08-Oct-03 22:20

Its better to lose your pride with someone you love rather than lose that someone you love with your useless pride. 08-Oct-03 22:20

when everthin goes wr0ng &every thing is against u. I’ll c0me close & take u 4 a walk over the bridge & show u….WHERE 2 JUMP 26-Aug-03 22:15

if u want 2knw how much I miss u then stand in da rain, raindrops tht u catch tell how much u miss me,those u miss show howmuch I miss u 25-July-03 15:30

marriage is a process of findin out wat kind of man ur wife wud have preferred - 15-July-03 9:48

I'll bounce back. Yes I'll.

Suddenly emptiness’ of everything took over...everything looked worthless, dull and what not.
but the truth is ..I’m still ruled by heart...or when heart thinks mind find its indecent to interfere. Reason goes out of the window when inner triggers are touched.
I ended up taking a leave from work and spending time with myself at home. and it was worth taking the break.
Well, as like any human being, we all crave for companionship. About people who accept us with all our flaws and shortcomings, who listen to our endless crib about anything and stand by us. I’m no different.
Last night a close friend and confidant left the country for 3 months. Creating a void...a vacuum.
And again I had a non-verbal fight with her, I know she is angry, she is frustrated about whole situation and ends up taking out all her anger at me, she feels she is helpless and strangely she is strength for me.
Now it’s been 44hrs since I heard her voice.
I'll bounce back. Yes I'll.

2nd July 2004

Another day started with all I had stuffed in mind in all these years of my life....and in the night all thoughts came tried to clear the confusions and me too was listening to them attentively like an obedient school kid listening to his favourite teacher's dis-courses. ....it all evaporated with sudden shining of the sun in the room, i struggled to cling to the aura of the night but in vain...it took away all innocence and clarity. And again I was left with more levels of confusions n cluttered thoughts ,Half-remembered conversations still echoing in the mind. Then came the unending roads..noise traffic...panic and the bouts of amnesia...forgetting everything..office..work..play...it seemed as if life will finish before the congested noisy roads....this happens almost everyday but in the end ...office suddenly halts the thoughts n stuffs all the office related stuff to all already over-stuffed mind. And daily i question myself...what exactly i'm looking for....and my mind again goes in a deep thoughts...i know...answer is everything or nothing.

couple of good games of tennis

after that good sleep

good movie in the night(after dinner).

weekend somewhere in hills......trekking or just staying in some jungle for a couple of days...doing nothing.

and studying a lot...rather enjoying it

.... or NOTHING. in the end i end up doing/getting NOTHING. who is stopping me doing what I actually want to do?? Everything or Nothing attitude?? or Am i just fooling myself? so little time and so much to do.......A priority check is needed this weekend. this weekend will decide a lot.hmmmm better to be clearly doubtful than to be, er... artificially convinced ...this weekend.